The day before I found out I was pregnant I was on the couch watching something mad at God. I . I was crying asking God why he hadn't given us another baby?? We had been trying for a close to a yr since our last miscarriage. I told God I knew he was trying to teach me patients. I told him I was tired of trying to be patient when it seemed everyone around me was getting what I wanted. Be patient kept coming into my head which just made me more mad. I went about that day and right before bed I prayed to God please give us a baby. I told him I knew he was trying to teach me to be patient so I will work more on being patient and trust him. Next morning I took Deano to school and didn't feel so good. I knew my period should come any day but decided to take a pregnancy test. Its crazy what one little stick can do make you happy or sad. I was scared to take the test I had took a lot for the past yr I think most likely one every month hoping and praying the answer would be different this time. Well that stick this time was different I was pregnant I was so happy but then I realized how scared I was of being pregnant. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head about what if i start bleeding again like I did with the MC? What if everything happens again at 9 weeks and we lose this baby too? Can I handle this?
Well I am 10 weeks today and haven't stopped praying to God for us to keep this baby. Last Monday we got to hear our baby's heart beat it is so strong. I started crying because I didn't think we would make it this far. I am so happy our baby is doing well right now. Then Tuesday afternoon Deano and I were coming home from a friends house and someone hit the back of my van. I was stopped on Hwy 9 letting a car turn into a neighborhood when we got hit from behind. Deano and I are doing good. I was trying to stay calm since I had Deano with me but I was so worried I might lose the baby. Luckily where I go was still open and they got me in right away we got to see our baby and all is well. I prayed that night for the young teenage girl driving the van that hit us. I thanked God that the accident wasn't worse and that we are all fine. I can't help though each time I go to use the bathroom pray that I don't see blood. Every little pain in my stomach has become a big deal to me. Some people asked why we decided to share our pregnancy so early on with our friends and family? Well we are very happy and want to share that with our friends and family. Also I feel you can never have to many people praying for you. If we lose this one yes we will have to tell everyone what happened which is hard. Its a life that should be celebrated.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Broken Pieces Together Again
It feels as of late someone has took my world and turned it upside down. I think I take 10 steps forward and then something takes me off guard I go 30 steps back. My emotions have been all over the place since July. I have a problem with eating my emotions I have come to realize. I worked so hard to lose the weight I was 130lb and I was still working on losing more weight. I felt really great about myself and then we found out we were pregnant which was wonderful news. Then July that all changed no more baby. I didn't care what I ate if it took away the pain for a little while then great. I think I ate icecream almost every night. I love hamburgers my fav. food and if I was out running errands I always made it a point to stop and get one. McDonald's became my best friend=) Then I would get mad at myself because I knew I would start to gain weight. I started to notice my jeans getting a little tighter which made me even more depressed. I also knew this isn't the food my husband and I wanted Deano eating all the time. So this Monday came and I decided to take my health back into my hands I am no longer going to eat junk because it really didn't make me feel better. I am back on my diet to get to the weight that makes me happy. I have also had two knee surgeries so I need to watch my weight for that too. One day we might try for another baby and I need to be in my best health to carry one. So it feels good to have some control over my life.
I have also decided to give God control of my life. When something slaps me in the face that hurts I am going to give it up to him and just everyday stuff. I have come to realize I am not doing to good dealing with all this myself but that's why he is their so I don't have to do it all by myself. I know I will still have those days that I get sad, mad, isn't fair and go this just SUCKS!! And I know he already knows that I feel that way and is their to give me comfort. I feel broken right now but I know with him helping me I can put all the pieces back together.
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13(NIV)
" I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me" same verse just in King James Bible
I have also decided to stop asking the y questions. She is pregnant while I was why did she get to keep hers and not me?? Why did you give that family a children when all they do is mistreat them?? She is drinking and doing drugs and your giving her a baby why?? I could go on forever with the y questions. I don't know why but its not for me to figure out and it only hurts me to keep asking why. I know God has a big picture and one day I will know it.
I have also decided to give God control of my life. When something slaps me in the face that hurts I am going to give it up to him and just everyday stuff. I have come to realize I am not doing to good dealing with all this myself but that's why he is their so I don't have to do it all by myself. I know I will still have those days that I get sad, mad, isn't fair and go this just SUCKS!! And I know he already knows that I feel that way and is their to give me comfort. I feel broken right now but I know with him helping me I can put all the pieces back together.
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13(NIV)
" I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me" same verse just in King James Bible
I have also decided to stop asking the y questions. She is pregnant while I was why did she get to keep hers and not me?? Why did you give that family a children when all they do is mistreat them?? She is drinking and doing drugs and your giving her a baby why?? I could go on forever with the y questions. I don't know why but its not for me to figure out and it only hurts me to keep asking why. I know God has a big picture and one day I will know it.
Friday, September 9, 2011
This is a HARD one
I am looking at my screen right now thinking am I really going to type this out?
I have been avoiding church lately. A friend of mine asked if I would be at church on Sunday and my first thought was nope not going this Sunday. Yes I went to church last Sunday only because I was in the toddler room helping. I was going regularly right up till I went to visit my parents in Fayetteville, NC back in middle of August. While I was there I did visit my old church which was great and I enjoyed it. When I got back though just the thought of going to church made me sick to my stomach.
I guess I need to give you the back store to all of this so you have a clue as to what is going on. In May I found out I was pregnant. I was sooo happy and so was Dean. When I took the pregnancy test and told him he had to tell everyone. For some reason I was more cautious this time and really didn't want him to tell anyone till I went to see the midwives to make sure I was pregnant and everything was OK. I don't know if it was because with the birth of our son Deano (Dean Jr.) I had pre-eclampsia and a hard labor I was worried. Well i went to the midwives and Victoria said yes I was pregrant and I was 4 an 1/2 weeks pregnant. The baby's due date was Feb. 3,2012 I was thinking wow two kids in Feb. She asked if I was having any pregnancy symptoms. I said yes I was tired all the time and the smell of meat bothered me. With Deano the smell of meat bothered me for along time. She told me most likely at 8 weeks it will get worse usually at that time the hormone levels are a lot higher. Well 6 weeks come no boobs tender, not feeling sick but I was still tired all the time. I kept telling myself everything is ok she said at 8 weeks it will all hit. Then for some reason I started to pray please God don't take this child from me. I never once when I was pregnant with Deano did this praying to keep him. I only prayed when we thought Deano might have spinal bifida which that turned out the test was wrong. No I take that back I did pray when I thought I could lose him when I was in labor. His labor I will write about another day. So like I said I started to pray to God please let me keep this baby and don't let anything happen to it. Then I started to pray even if there is something wrong with the baby its ok if it has spinal befida we can deal with that. Lord even if the child has down syndrome its ok there is nothing wrong with a down syndrome child. I will take any child you give me and it doesn't matter what is wrong with them but please Lord don't take this child.Even if they only live for a short time. Just give me my child Lord. Well I am at 8 weeks nothing and I know that each pregnancy is different not everyone feels sick. I forgot to mention about 6 weeks I was blotting which they called old blood. They told me that its normal no big deal only if its new blood bright red and more than just blotting and cramping with it. Well July 2 we had friends over that night being a Saturday night so about 11pm they left to go home. I went to the bathroom and saw BRIGHT RED!! It was just blotting and no cramping. I didn't want to over react so I went on to bed and it stopped. That night I prayed to God please don't take this child, please don't let me have a miscarriage. If your trying to test my faith by taking this child please don't and please do it some other way. Well I got up the next morning Deano wasn't feeling to good and was running a fever so no church for us. We turned on the TV to watch cartoons and both of us fell back to sleep. I got up to use the bathroom thinking its maybe 9 since we get up at 7 every morning. I realize I am bleeding and its like a period and I start to have cramps. Oh no is all i could think God don't do this to me don't take my baby. Well its just Deano and me at the house and lucky he was still asleep. Dean at that time was working on Sundays. So I called the midwife on call and talked to her. I will never forget what she said" I am not sure if your having a miscarriage or not. If it is there is nothing that can be done. I am sorry.If its a start of one but you can go to the hospital and they can at least tell you something and give you some peace of mind . She was very nice on the phone with me. She asked if I was by myself while I was crying on the phone with her. I told her yes that my husband was at work but lucky I have family that lives about 10 min down the road. She said she was so sorry and wish she was there and told me to get right on the phone with them so I wouldn't be by myself. Deano lucky was still asleep while I was crying. So I called Dean's aunt and uncles house and lucky they were home. Josh Deans cousin answered the phone I knew if he was home Bailee would be there since it was the weekend. Bailee is a childhood friend of mine that is getting married in December to Josh. I was trying not to cry while I told Bailee I thought I was having a miscarriage and that if she could watch Deano while Josh came and got me to take me to the hospital. After I got off the phone with them I called Dean and told him to meet us at the emergency room in Hendersonville he was an hour away from Hendersonville. About that time my friend Julie called to see what I was up to and I was crying and told her what happened she said they would meet us at the emergency room. I told her that was not needed she said her and her husband Clint which is Deans BF would meet us their. I packed Deano's stuff got everything ready so when Josh got here we could go. I got up Deano got him ready not wanting to let him know something was wrong. So when Josh got there Bailee was with him but we were dropping off Deano with Cynthia and Randy Dean's aunt & uncle. So we drop of Deano at their house and start through all the traffic in Lake Lure since it was July 4th weekend it was bumper to bumper. I felt so sorry for Josh I could tell he was upset he was trying to get me to the hospital as fast as he could. I told him that it didn't matter how long it took to get there if I was having a miscarriage there is nothing that they can do to stop it at all. So I prayed and prayed it felt like it took for ever to get to the hospital. So we get to the emergency room Julie and Clint were already there. I sign in about 15 min later Dean shows up. I could tell he was really upset. I was trying to seem calm because I didn't want him to get more upset. Finally they take me into a room and this man Doctor comes in checks me out saying yes there is some blood and that he can't tell if i am having a miscarriage. So they take some blood do tests send me to ultrasound. The lady in ultrasound ask if I am there to look for a ectopic pregnancy known as tubal pregnancy. I said I had no clue they didn't tell us anything. She started look and had this look on her face. I look at the screen but ultrasounds are hard to read anyways at the beginning of a pregnancy but I was looking for a small peanut or something close to it. She said she was looking for a heartbeat and couldn't find one. She said I had a sac but couldn't see anything in it. Which could mean I was earlier than I thought. I was thinking wrong I am not earlier than I thought. So I go back into that room to wait till the Doctor to come he comes in saying he doesn't know if I am having a miscarriage since my levels where so high. He said it might be the start of one maybe or it could just stop. Also could be that I was pregnant had a miscarriage and got pregnant again. I knew that was not the case but I didn't say anything. I was to follow up with my midwife on Tuesday to check my hormone levels if they had went down then I was having one. Also in the mean time if the bleeding continued and cramping got worse than I was. I was thinking well no SH*T! I was mad when we left there I wanted a yes or no answer not well you might be we really not know yet great. Julie told me her and Clint were coming to stay the night to help with Deano. Which was a God send she came in and just took over which I needed. I started bleeding and cramping that night more but I still prayed God you can stop this please do make everything all right give me this baby. Stop trying to test me because I can't do it and I DON'T WANT TO DO IT I should not have to. So its July 4th we went to the boathouse which was nice and Deano needed for things to be as normal as possible. So July 5 the day we find out if I am having a miscarriage or if it has already happened. The start of how I hated Tuesdays for awhile. So the ultrasound shows the sac is collapsed I had started to have a miscarriage. I was to do the abortion pill to help it along to make sure everything passed so hopefully I wouldn't have a D&C. I was thinking great can it just not be over I have to help my miscarriage along. So I had to take 4 pills one every 4 hrs. Well take make my story short since its already along one Julie stayed that whole week to watch Deano. Then I had to do another round of pills that weekend since I didn't pass anything like a big clot. I guess I always thought miscarriages were fast but that isn't always true. So that Friday I sent Julie home and Dean's sister took Deano. On Sunday I picked up Deano from Sue Dean's mom that morning. Even though I was physically hurting I didn't want to go home it felt like my prison. It was 10 that morning and church started at 1035. Hmm I knew I didn't really want to go to church because only maybe 2 people knew. So the people that didn't would ask so are you happy, getting sick yet and how you feeling. I also knew if I didn't go to church I didn't know when I might be back because I was so mad at God. I didn't make it very far I was in Deano's toddler room and Beth who is also pregnant and has had 2 miscarriages. Asked " So how you feeling?" I just lost it I start to cry and she knew. I don't know how long I talked to her. Talking to her helped a little and I knew I wasn't alone in what I was feeling. So I hold it together while I am listening to Pastor Nate preach about I have no clue that day I wasn't really listening I was to mad at God. Always at the end they ask if you need anyone to pray with you for something there are people at the back. I try not to cry while I am walking to Michelle which is Pastor Nate's wife which she knew what was going on. While I was walking to her I can see people looking at me and I don't know what they are thinking but i hate when people see me cry. She prayed with me and it did help alot. She told me its ok to be mad at God he knows just keep talking to him. Also don't stop coming even though I might not want to come to church or even if it feels at times it doesn't help but it will over time.
So after telling you everything here I am not wanting to go to church. Since that Sunday I cry most of the time while I am at church it seems that all the emotions I try to push away during the week hit me for some reason while I am at church. I don't want people to look at me and go what in the world is wrong with her she does this every Sunday. While I was in Fayetteville at my old church no crying not sad at all. I know I am still mad at God and I am trying to work through that. I know that's another reason why I don't want to go I don't want to hear how great he is. Don't get me wrong I know God is great but its hard to hear if that makes any sense. Also I know how blessed I am to have my son so please don't think I don't appreciate what I have I do. I am also very blessed for the women God has put into my life at Breakthrough Church who know what I have been through because they have had a miscarriage most of them more than one. They are a great support system. Also at church there are a lot of women who are pregnant. So the question is will I be at church on Sunday?? I know God is telling me I need it. I know there is a reason why I am feeling all that emotion at church because I am not trying to face it any other time I just trying to push it all to the side. I keep telling myself that I will just deal with it some other time and God I believe is saying deal with it NOW! Face it before it because a bigger problem. So I will be praying the rest of the week that God gives me that push Sunday to get to church and the strenght. It has taken me two hrs to write this because it was so hard to tell my story. WOW God just hit me in the head again(of course not really) he is telling me to hold still I am going to say this if you like it or not. I am listening to 106.9 light while some pastor preaches about bitter, unforgivens and the rath of unforgivens. He is talking how if we don't deal with it will effect everything in our life. The bitterness and anger that I have is keeping me from moving on. Wow this is a whole topic for another day.
I have been avoiding church lately. A friend of mine asked if I would be at church on Sunday and my first thought was nope not going this Sunday. Yes I went to church last Sunday only because I was in the toddler room helping. I was going regularly right up till I went to visit my parents in Fayetteville, NC back in middle of August. While I was there I did visit my old church which was great and I enjoyed it. When I got back though just the thought of going to church made me sick to my stomach.
I guess I need to give you the back store to all of this so you have a clue as to what is going on. In May I found out I was pregnant. I was sooo happy and so was Dean. When I took the pregnancy test and told him he had to tell everyone. For some reason I was more cautious this time and really didn't want him to tell anyone till I went to see the midwives to make sure I was pregnant and everything was OK. I don't know if it was because with the birth of our son Deano (Dean Jr.) I had pre-eclampsia and a hard labor I was worried. Well i went to the midwives and Victoria said yes I was pregrant and I was 4 an 1/2 weeks pregnant. The baby's due date was Feb. 3,2012 I was thinking wow two kids in Feb. She asked if I was having any pregnancy symptoms. I said yes I was tired all the time and the smell of meat bothered me. With Deano the smell of meat bothered me for along time. She told me most likely at 8 weeks it will get worse usually at that time the hormone levels are a lot higher. Well 6 weeks come no boobs tender, not feeling sick but I was still tired all the time. I kept telling myself everything is ok she said at 8 weeks it will all hit. Then for some reason I started to pray please God don't take this child from me. I never once when I was pregnant with Deano did this praying to keep him. I only prayed when we thought Deano might have spinal bifida which that turned out the test was wrong. No I take that back I did pray when I thought I could lose him when I was in labor. His labor I will write about another day. So like I said I started to pray to God please let me keep this baby and don't let anything happen to it. Then I started to pray even if there is something wrong with the baby its ok if it has spinal befida we can deal with that. Lord even if the child has down syndrome its ok there is nothing wrong with a down syndrome child. I will take any child you give me and it doesn't matter what is wrong with them but please Lord don't take this child.Even if they only live for a short time. Just give me my child Lord. Well I am at 8 weeks nothing and I know that each pregnancy is different not everyone feels sick. I forgot to mention about 6 weeks I was blotting which they called old blood. They told me that its normal no big deal only if its new blood bright red and more than just blotting and cramping with it. Well July 2 we had friends over that night being a Saturday night so about 11pm they left to go home. I went to the bathroom and saw BRIGHT RED!! It was just blotting and no cramping. I didn't want to over react so I went on to bed and it stopped. That night I prayed to God please don't take this child, please don't let me have a miscarriage. If your trying to test my faith by taking this child please don't and please do it some other way. Well I got up the next morning Deano wasn't feeling to good and was running a fever so no church for us. We turned on the TV to watch cartoons and both of us fell back to sleep. I got up to use the bathroom thinking its maybe 9 since we get up at 7 every morning. I realize I am bleeding and its like a period and I start to have cramps. Oh no is all i could think God don't do this to me don't take my baby. Well its just Deano and me at the house and lucky he was still asleep. Dean at that time was working on Sundays. So I called the midwife on call and talked to her. I will never forget what she said" I am not sure if your having a miscarriage or not. If it is there is nothing that can be done. I am sorry.If its a start of one but you can go to the hospital and they can at least tell you something and give you some peace of mind . She was very nice on the phone with me. She asked if I was by myself while I was crying on the phone with her. I told her yes that my husband was at work but lucky I have family that lives about 10 min down the road. She said she was so sorry and wish she was there and told me to get right on the phone with them so I wouldn't be by myself. Deano lucky was still asleep while I was crying. So I called Dean's aunt and uncles house and lucky they were home. Josh Deans cousin answered the phone I knew if he was home Bailee would be there since it was the weekend. Bailee is a childhood friend of mine that is getting married in December to Josh. I was trying not to cry while I told Bailee I thought I was having a miscarriage and that if she could watch Deano while Josh came and got me to take me to the hospital. After I got off the phone with them I called Dean and told him to meet us at the emergency room in Hendersonville he was an hour away from Hendersonville. About that time my friend Julie called to see what I was up to and I was crying and told her what happened she said they would meet us at the emergency room. I told her that was not needed she said her and her husband Clint which is Deans BF would meet us their. I packed Deano's stuff got everything ready so when Josh got here we could go. I got up Deano got him ready not wanting to let him know something was wrong. So when Josh got there Bailee was with him but we were dropping off Deano with Cynthia and Randy Dean's aunt & uncle. So we drop of Deano at their house and start through all the traffic in Lake Lure since it was July 4th weekend it was bumper to bumper. I felt so sorry for Josh I could tell he was upset he was trying to get me to the hospital as fast as he could. I told him that it didn't matter how long it took to get there if I was having a miscarriage there is nothing that they can do to stop it at all. So I prayed and prayed it felt like it took for ever to get to the hospital. So we get to the emergency room Julie and Clint were already there. I sign in about 15 min later Dean shows up. I could tell he was really upset. I was trying to seem calm because I didn't want him to get more upset. Finally they take me into a room and this man Doctor comes in checks me out saying yes there is some blood and that he can't tell if i am having a miscarriage. So they take some blood do tests send me to ultrasound. The lady in ultrasound ask if I am there to look for a ectopic pregnancy known as tubal pregnancy. I said I had no clue they didn't tell us anything. She started look and had this look on her face. I look at the screen but ultrasounds are hard to read anyways at the beginning of a pregnancy but I was looking for a small peanut or something close to it. She said she was looking for a heartbeat and couldn't find one. She said I had a sac but couldn't see anything in it. Which could mean I was earlier than I thought. I was thinking wrong I am not earlier than I thought. So I go back into that room to wait till the Doctor to come he comes in saying he doesn't know if I am having a miscarriage since my levels where so high. He said it might be the start of one maybe or it could just stop. Also could be that I was pregnant had a miscarriage and got pregnant again. I knew that was not the case but I didn't say anything. I was to follow up with my midwife on Tuesday to check my hormone levels if they had went down then I was having one. Also in the mean time if the bleeding continued and cramping got worse than I was. I was thinking well no SH*T! I was mad when we left there I wanted a yes or no answer not well you might be we really not know yet great. Julie told me her and Clint were coming to stay the night to help with Deano. Which was a God send she came in and just took over which I needed. I started bleeding and cramping that night more but I still prayed God you can stop this please do make everything all right give me this baby. Stop trying to test me because I can't do it and I DON'T WANT TO DO IT I should not have to. So its July 4th we went to the boathouse which was nice and Deano needed for things to be as normal as possible. So July 5 the day we find out if I am having a miscarriage or if it has already happened. The start of how I hated Tuesdays for awhile. So the ultrasound shows the sac is collapsed I had started to have a miscarriage. I was to do the abortion pill to help it along to make sure everything passed so hopefully I wouldn't have a D&C. I was thinking great can it just not be over I have to help my miscarriage along. So I had to take 4 pills one every 4 hrs. Well take make my story short since its already along one Julie stayed that whole week to watch Deano. Then I had to do another round of pills that weekend since I didn't pass anything like a big clot. I guess I always thought miscarriages were fast but that isn't always true. So that Friday I sent Julie home and Dean's sister took Deano. On Sunday I picked up Deano from Sue Dean's mom that morning. Even though I was physically hurting I didn't want to go home it felt like my prison. It was 10 that morning and church started at 1035. Hmm I knew I didn't really want to go to church because only maybe 2 people knew. So the people that didn't would ask so are you happy, getting sick yet and how you feeling. I also knew if I didn't go to church I didn't know when I might be back because I was so mad at God. I didn't make it very far I was in Deano's toddler room and Beth who is also pregnant and has had 2 miscarriages. Asked " So how you feeling?" I just lost it I start to cry and she knew. I don't know how long I talked to her. Talking to her helped a little and I knew I wasn't alone in what I was feeling. So I hold it together while I am listening to Pastor Nate preach about I have no clue that day I wasn't really listening I was to mad at God. Always at the end they ask if you need anyone to pray with you for something there are people at the back. I try not to cry while I am walking to Michelle which is Pastor Nate's wife which she knew what was going on. While I was walking to her I can see people looking at me and I don't know what they are thinking but i hate when people see me cry. She prayed with me and it did help alot. She told me its ok to be mad at God he knows just keep talking to him. Also don't stop coming even though I might not want to come to church or even if it feels at times it doesn't help but it will over time.
So after telling you everything here I am not wanting to go to church. Since that Sunday I cry most of the time while I am at church it seems that all the emotions I try to push away during the week hit me for some reason while I am at church. I don't want people to look at me and go what in the world is wrong with her she does this every Sunday. While I was in Fayetteville at my old church no crying not sad at all. I know I am still mad at God and I am trying to work through that. I know that's another reason why I don't want to go I don't want to hear how great he is. Don't get me wrong I know God is great but its hard to hear if that makes any sense. Also I know how blessed I am to have my son so please don't think I don't appreciate what I have I do. I am also very blessed for the women God has put into my life at Breakthrough Church who know what I have been through because they have had a miscarriage most of them more than one. They are a great support system. Also at church there are a lot of women who are pregnant. So the question is will I be at church on Sunday?? I know God is telling me I need it. I know there is a reason why I am feeling all that emotion at church because I am not trying to face it any other time I just trying to push it all to the side. I keep telling myself that I will just deal with it some other time and God I believe is saying deal with it NOW! Face it before it because a bigger problem. So I will be praying the rest of the week that God gives me that push Sunday to get to church and the strenght. It has taken me two hrs to write this because it was so hard to tell my story. WOW God just hit me in the head again(of course not really) he is telling me to hold still I am going to say this if you like it or not. I am listening to 106.9 light while some pastor preaches about bitter, unforgivens and the rath of unforgivens. He is talking how if we don't deal with it will effect everything in our life. The bitterness and anger that I have is keeping me from moving on. Wow this is a whole topic for another day.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Thanks
I was listening to the radio this morning on my way to drop off Deano to Tuesday School and the lady said " What if you got up this morning and all you had was what you thanked God for last night in your prayers." That really got me to thinking WOW I would be so screwed! Yes I did pray last night I thanked God for giving me my son and my family. Oh yea and the roof over my head. So that means I would only have my son, family and my house. I know some of you are thinking well that's still good you at least have your son, family and a house to live in. We would have no money, food, health, my husband wouldn't have a job and not all of my family would be alive I only prayed for a few. I mean I could go on and on about all the stuff I wouldn't have since I didn't thank God for all I am thankful for in my life last night. I think sometimes we just keep asking of God and never really stop to just say Hey THANK YOU! I know I like when I do something and someone notices an says Thanks. I guess he would also like to hear it more often.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
" Your Hands"
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands
I heard this song this morning and it really touched me. I guess this is where I am at right now with everything that has happened. I know some of you don't have a clue as to "what" that is but I will share soon.
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands
I heard this song this morning and it really touched me. I guess this is where I am at right now with everything that has happened. I know some of you don't have a clue as to "what" that is but I will share soon.
Monday, September 5, 2011
New to this
I am new to this blogging thing and haven't decided yet if I like it. I have been reading other peoples blogs for years but never thought of doing my own. I haven't decided if its a good thing or a bad thing yet for me to blog. I know reading other peoples blogs lately have really helped me. I know if just one person reads this and goes "I'm not alone" then I guess it will be worth me sharing it with everyone. I do have to say I am scared of sharing because of negative people. So I hope you enjoy reading what I have to say and maybe it might help.
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